just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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