I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
