Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
