i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
