I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
