fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
