Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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