I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I could fuck to npr.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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