so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
