I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
