i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
