this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
