Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
