last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
