I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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