maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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