I cannot find my penis.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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