fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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