I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
