Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
