And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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