My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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