How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
