got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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