Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
