it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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