We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
