what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
