I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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