Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
