We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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