On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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