Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
