I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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