i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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