Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
