Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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