awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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