All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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