Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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