Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
