Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
