u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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