why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
