does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
