i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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