p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm having to shit out rocks
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