Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize