he wants to bone in the snuggie
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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