Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
