I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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