And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sex in a hospital.. check
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
