I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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