"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Found the puke drawer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
