do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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