Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
