I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
