he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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