I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't trust your balls anymore.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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