My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
