I love black thongs
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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