Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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