Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
