I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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