How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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