my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize