I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
