Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you never un-have a 4some
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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